Wednesday, 2 August 2017

10 Signs Your Personality Is Intimidating Others

The world we live in is full of people who judge us. They know nothing about us. some do not even know our names, but they judge us all the same.

We should not let the words or actions of these people bother us, We are who we are not who they think we are. Has anyone ever called you intimidating?

Sometimes intimidating people come off as rude or even ‘evil’ for the way they react to things. Those around them fail to see the kind person behind the tough exterior and it can cause issues from time to time. I have found that the most intimidating people are also the most caring when you get to know them.

The 10 most common traits I have noticed with ‘intimidating’ people are as follows:

1. Your word is good.

Honesty is something that you value big time. If you say you will do something you always follow through.

2. You are straightforward.

You always speak your mind and do not care who gets upset. Lying is never an option.

3. You are open minded.

You are open to new ideas and always willing to try new things. This allows you to achieve success through any opportunities that you are willing to take.

4. You create solutions.

You focus more on the solution than the problem. You don’t make excuses and you just get things done as you should.

5. You are strong-willed.

You are focused and will go to extra lengths to make something happen.

6. You do not like people who complain.

Complaining is something that makes you mad, you would rather work alone than with someone who spends the whole day complaining. You don’t have time for their shit and will not pick up their extra weight without letting them know where they can shove their complaints.

7. You do not tolerate willful ignorance.

You are open minded, yes, but you will not entertain anyone who is judgmental. You will either walk away from them and their ignorance or lose your patience with them and let them have a piece of your mind.

8. You are wise.

You are always learning new things and new ways of thinking. You think things through and never waste time. You are wise beyond your years.

9. You do not like small talk.

To you, small talk can be a bit annoying. You do take the time to deal with it often and would rather be sitting alone. You only want to partake in conversations with meaning. If someone cannot have a real, deep and meaningful conversation with you then most likely they do not even converse with you at all.

10. You are kind.

You are one of the nicest people in the world, really. People are quick to judge you because you do not waste your time and often see success. It seems people love to judge those who are doing better than them and this is one of those circumstances.

Moms, Kids Anxiety

By Anita M. Schimizzi, Ph.D.

We know that maternal depression can have a profound impact on children.  But what about maternal anxiety?  A recent article in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology suggests that mom’s anxiety may tend to transfer to her young children.  Before I start, however, let me be clear that this post is in no way intended to blame moms for their child’s anxiety.  Rather, it is meant to provide information and ideas on this possible relationship.

Pass and colleagues took a look at around 60 mothers in the UK who were diagnosed with anxiety disorders (specifically, social phobia with about half also having generalized anxiety disorder) and 60 mothers who weren’t.  They compared information gathered on their children as they were getting ready to begin formal schooling (around 4 ½ years old).  After the children completed the first term of school, the researchers gathered more information from mothers and also from teachers.

At the first data gathering, the children were given a doll play activity (I continue to be amazed with how much children reveal about their inner lives through play) and several school-related scenarios to prompt their play.  Mothers were also asked to report on their child’s anxiety.  At the second data gathering, teachers reported on the students’ anxiety and mothers provided additional information.  Here’s what they found.

Children of anxious mothers gave “anxiously negative” responses during their play at a significantly higher rate than children of non-anxious mothers.  Further, children whose play was classified as anxiously negative were almost 7 times more likely to score in the borderline/clinical range on teacher reports of anxiety/depression and also more likely to score higher on teacher-reported social worry after completing the first term of formal schooling.

While the researchers predicted that there would be significant differences in the children of anxious mothers and those of non-anxious mothers in the areas of attachment (parent-child bonding) and behavioral inhibition (fear and avoidance of unfamiliar situations), the groups did not differ significantly.  In other words, children of anxious moms were just as likely to be securely attached and willing to enter novel situations as those of non-anxious moms.

As is typical in research, the focus remains on the mother-child link rather than bringing dads into the mix so we don’t know if and how dad’s anxiety can impact kids or if his lack of significant anxiety can act as a buffer.  What we see is that there seems to be a relationship between socially anxious moms and kids who view the school social experience in negative ways and are seen as more anxious, depressed, and worried than their classmates.

I have sat across from many parents who have sought therapy for their child’s anxiety only to realize that they themselves harbor many of the same characteristics.  As they launch into self-blame, my response is always the same: nobody is to blame.  Let’s work on understanding this and learn and practice techniques as a family.  And that is my suggestion to readers.  If you, as a parent, find that you have significant anxiety it might be time to take a look at your child, too.  Conversely, if your child seems to have a lot of anxiety, it might be a good idea to see if it also resides in you.  There are so many solid, research-supported ways to manage and decrease anxiety in people of all ages.  And doing so can open up a whole new world of being.

Thanks for reading.  -Anita

Source:  Pass, L., Arteche, A., Cooper, P., Creswell, C., & Murray, L. (2012). Doll play narratives about starting school in children of socially anxious mothers, and their relation to subsequent school-based anxiety. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology. DOI: 10.1007/s10802-012-9645-4

originally posted on child-psych.com

Monday, 31 July 2017

11 Self Esteem Markers that Tell You How High (or Low) Your Self Confidence is?

Confidence is attractive.
It breeds opportunity and is powerful in the pursuit of expressing your self-worth. It inspires others to trust and believe in you, and exerting it right can be extremely self-fulfilling.
Having strong levels of confidence and self-esteem is crucial when having to decide the best action to take in any situation. Or to effectively deal with unexpected and undesirable turn of events, or to persuade and influence others. Or when communicating with others without personal ego distorting the interaction.
In the purest sense, your current self-confidence and self-esteem levels are determined by what you think (or know) you’re good at, the value you can provide, and then how effectively you convey that to others.
Confidence thus evolves and increases in areas where you think you’re best at, and you naturally avoid avenues in which you expect to fail.
But what do you think could happen if you knew how to improve self-confidence in all areas of your life, especially the weak areas?
What if you knew exactly how to gain self-esteem and build confidence with the right training and assistance?
Before being able to do that however, you first need to examine what the root causes are of your own low self-esteem and confidence concerns.
According to transformational hypnotherapy therapist, behavioural expert and best-selling author, Marisa Peer, there are several root causes found in people who experience low levels of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Root Causes Of Low Self-Esteem

Disapproving Family Or Peers

You fear rejection and all your actions stem from the human need to be accepted and acknowledged. Because of this, negativity and constant criticism from others can damage your feelings of self-worth.
Bullying
Been taunted and bullied as a child with an overwhelming sense of being lost caused you to feel abandoned and hopeless, filling you with self-loathing and leaving you unprepared for the cruel world.
Trauma
Physical, sexual or emotional abuse possibly are the most apparent causes of low self-esteem and self-confidence issues. Past traumas can make it difficult to associate with others, like or trust them which profoundly impacts self-esteem and strong feelings of loneliness.
Religious Belief Systems
When you constantly dwell between bad and evil, you end up feeling confused, disoriented, shameful and disappointed with yourself when you think you did something wrong.
Body Image
You are consumed by unrealistic media images, concepts and opinions of what the ideal body composition type is, what you should look like, what you should weigh or how you should behave — all resulting in you feeling unattractive and inadequate.
Existential Crisis
You feel usurped in a world beyond your control, which leads to feelings of ineffectiveness, powerlessness and worthlessness, where the meaning of your life becomes questionable — and your inability to realize your life’s purpose or self-worth poses a significant challenge to your existence.

Unrealistic Or Unmet Goals
You expect way too much of yourself, and the inevitable failure to meet unrealistic goals you previously set may lead to feelings of inferiority and unworthiness.
Previous Bad Decisions
You got locked into a certain decision-making pattern without the power to change — and continue making bad choices that reinforce your own negative self-view, or keep circling in adverse circumstances.
Negative Thought Patterns
Your mind believes what you tell it, and you constantly feed it with negative thoughts about yourself, and never challenge these thoughts and feelings for what they're worth. This creates an endless self-fulfilling prophecy of doom.
Academic And Educational Challenges
Inadequate education is a major cause of low self-esteem when you interact with others more knowledgeable than you. If you feel like you don't understand things as quickly as others, you often have doubt in your own capacities, and become more self-conscious about sharing your opinions.
“When you know much about a lot, you won’t feel inferior,” says Marisa Peer.
“But more accurately, self-esteem comes from accepting your insufficiencies and still choosing to like yourself. And then do everything in your power to increase your self-confidence, and to become greater at handling your life well...”

11 Self-Esteem Qualities And Characteristics
These qualities and characterisitcs show true self-esteem. Boost them for increased confidence, better performance, health and happiness:
Knowing that "I am enough"
“I am enough." Say it again... “I am enough."
Continuously praising yourself
People who are happy and successful rely on internal self-validation and self-appreciation. You know you can do it, and you know you’re good at it, you know you’re enough to make it happen. And you remind yourself of it often.
Having a greater self-worth-to-value ratio
The more self-confidence you have, the more you value yourself and your capabilities, which means you know your core values, and thereby feel more valuable. You also enjoy growing as a person and continually find fulfillment and meaning in your life.
Freedom from self-doubt
The more self-confident you are, the less mental torture you experience doubting yourself, and questioning whether you're really worthy, or capable of achieving things you want to achieve, because you know how to delve really deep and be creative to master anything.
Greater strength and capabilities
The more self-confident you are, the more powerful you feel to make the right decision and to face challenges, rather than feeling weakened, crippled and defeated when confronted.
Having peace of mind with no fear and anxiety
The more self-confident you are, the more you know what you can accept, handle, learn, gain and benefit from any situation, circumstance, challenge, problem or outcome, while pushing yourself in a more positive and confident direction.
Having no societal apprehension
The more secure you feel in your self-worth, the less concerned you are with what others think of you. You see the world and other people in realistic terms, accepting it, and them the way they are.
Have more energy and motivation to act
The more confident you are that you can achieve anything, the clearer you see the possible outcomes with better concentration abilities, thereby feeling more motivated and energized to act.
Experiencing beneficial and more enjoyable interactions with others
The happier and more confident you are, the more relaxed, comfortable and at ease you feel — naturally also putting others at ease to better trust, respect, value, welcome and cooperate with you.
Enhanced sleep and health
Be confident means less anxiety and fear with less worries keeping you awake, or causing adverse biochemical reactions and toxins in your body.
Greater career and work success
Self-confident people who embody all of the above
qualities are naturally more successful in their relationships, in their health and fitness and overall well-being. Most importantly, they naturally perform better in any task with higher success rates.
Wonderful things happen when you increase your self-confidence and self-esteem:
You are freed from the harsh judgment and criticisms of others;
You can express your thoughts, feelings, values and opinions because your self-worth no longer comes from the acceptance of others but from a feeling of real contribution;
You accept change effortlessly and feel more capable to weather any storm;
You are likely to gain the trust of a potential client, partner or business deal, projecting strong self-confidence and self-esteem;
You experience more happiness and enjoyment in all areas of your life.
2 Steps to Building Lasting Confidence
In Under 5 Days
Building confidence needn't take years, or even months. There are proven methods to cultivating lasting confidence in as little as 5 days. Here's how:
Step #1: Accept that you are responsible for building your own self-confidence.
You can blame your parents for how they raised you. You can blame your teachers for how they treated you… you can blame failed relationships with previous partners hurting you, or failed business ventures with ignorant idiots attacking your true value…
But the only person really responsible for building your self-confidence in future is yourself.

Step #2: Responsibility is the first step, but not always enough. You need a map, an objective system, a trustworthy confidant to guide you through each major failure-point to guaranteed success.

originally posted on mindvalleyacademy.com

The Difference Between Social Anxiety, Shyness And Introversion

Three friends walk into a bar.

One instantly turns to a group of strangers and launches into boisterous conversation. Another sits back, momentarily, before joining in (while longing for something more intimate).

The third, in an attempt to mask a spiralling mind, has their head down and appears disengaged.

It's a vicious cycle.
"Someone with social anxiety disorder will go into that social situation already being primed by thinking 'no one's going to talk to me,' or 'they're going to think I'm boring.' So when they get into that situation, they are already in an anxious state," told by Professor in Clinical Psychology Kim Felmingham told

"They are more aware of their anxiety and therefore they are less engaged with the actual conversation. Inadvertently, they can appear disengaged to others who then may actually remove themselves from that interaction.

"It's a vicious cycle."

The distinction between introversion, shyness and social anxiety is one that frequently comes into question in clinical psychology -- for they can easily be misconstrued.

"People will vary on the spectrum. There is certainly a dimensional nature to how much shyness or introversion a person may have and at what point that may become a clinical disorder," Felmingham said.

And there's no simple answer.

Social anxiety disorder (or SAD) is characterised by a fear of criticism or rejection by others. It is diagnosed when this fear becomes chronic and debilitating.

'People with SAD develop very negative cognitions about themselves in social situations," Felmingham said. "That is the driving factor that leads them to fearing negative evaluations from others."

And it goes beyond feeling shy or introverted.

This can go on chronically for many years where people are really socially isolated and may turn down any interaction that they come across. It can cause heightened distress and functional impairment.

"The fundamental line of difference is that shyness and introversion are normal personality styles or traits," Felmingham said.

"A person who is shy may feel uncomfortable if they are in the limelight, or an introvert may not particularly like loud conversation. But that doesn't necessarily cause them significant stress and can often be viewed positively."

SAD can be characterised by severe levels of anxiety that can lead to avoidance of social situations.

"This can go on chronically for many years where people are really socially isolated and may turn down any interaction that they come across. It can cause heightened distress and functional impairment."

Blurred lines

You may be a non-anxious introvert -- whereby your perception of time spent in solitude is fulfilling and stimulating -- or you may be an anxious introvert.

Guido Mieth
This may be more your vibe.
"Not everyone who is an introvert has social anxiety. Shyness and introversion are really quite common. They are not always equatable," Felmingham said.

And when it comes to monitoring shyness, the line becomes blurred. "SAD most commonly emerges in late teens to early 20's and many people who do present in clinics report that they have always been shy," Flemingham said.

How much stress is this causing the person? If it is really intense anxiety with a lot of avoidance, then it requires treatment.
"If you are reaching the high end of shyness that might be associated with some anxiety and more negative emotions, that can be a risk factor that contributes to the development of SAD."

According to Flemingham, it comes back to functional impairment.

"How much stress is this causing the person? If it is really intense anxiety with a lot of avoidance, then it requires treatment."

How can it be treated?

Due to the role of cognitive processes that maintain social anxiety, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a proven treatment.

"We train people to identify their negative thoughts about themselves and to challenge them, as well as their pre and post- event processing of social situations," Flemingham said.

"We perform behavioural experiments, whereby in a gradual way, we get people to overcome their avoidance and go into social situations to really test out their beliefs."

"These treatments may take longer if patterns are entrenched, but they are effective."

originally posted on huffingtonpost.com.au

Sunday, 30 July 2017

15 Habits of People With Concealed Depression

Depression is a very serious mental illness that often goes unnoticed for years. People with concealed depression are battling demons within themselves all on their own. They are not sharing their struggles and do not want to burden those around them.

You see, for most people wounds are not something we are open about. We tend to bottle things up and attempt to remedy them on our own. If you are reading this then you must know someone who you feel you need to better understand or you relate to this yourself. The following 15 habits are some of the most common I have noticed in people dealing with concealed depression.

1. The are often quite talented and very expressive.

Alot of famous people have suffered from mental illnesses, and this suffering gives them deeper emotions. If you really think about it, this is in some form a source to their greatness. While we cannot always see it, their struggles are often reflected in their works. These people are able to bring something beautiful out of the darkness that consumes them.

2. They tend to search for purpose.

We all need a purpose in this life. We want to be sure that we are in some form doing meaningful things. People suffering from hidden depression are not exempt from this. They too want to know the reason for their existence. They are much more susceptible to feeling things like inadequacy and anxiety which leaves them searching for something they can never seem to achieve in their own minds.

3. Sometimes they make muted cries for help.

Sometimes we all need help. When we are not expecting someone to feel weak or to be down in the dumps, we don’t see their cries for help. However, if you notice their cries and can help them in any way, you are creating a very close and trust filled bond with them.

4. They interpret substances differently.

Someone who is dealing with depression usually knows what it is they can take to ease their pain in a sense. They know that caffeine and sugar will raise their mood and that some medicines can help them. They actually have to put a lot of effort into feeling better, unlike most people. It is not as simple as taking a Tylenol when you have a headache.

5. They often have a very involved perception of life and death.

People suffering from depression often face their own mortality in moments of despair and seek answers to life’s deepest questions. They tend to shift from one terrible mindset into another. Sure, not all depressed people deal with suicidal thoughts, but some do.

6. They have strange eating habits.

People with depression may not be able to eat much or at all when they are at their worst. That being said some of them may eat more when at their worst. It varies from person to person.

7. They have abnormal sleeping habits.

People with depression will often sleep for what seems like or may literally be days. Sleep at times can be impossible while other times could be the only thing left that the person can do. When a person is depressed they are dealing with a state of helplessness that will rock their world.

8. They have abandonment issues usually.

If you have dealt with abandonment then you know how terrible it can be. When someone walks out of your life it can be a devastating, but this impacts those with depression much more than other people. It causes them to be more and more secretive about their feelings and creates a fear within them of being abandoned by their loved ones.

9. They are professionals at coming up with ‘cover-up’ stories.

They are able to come up with believable elaborate excuses for the things they are going through. Like if they skip an appointment or don’t return your calls for days. They can easily change the subject when things like this come up and turn the attention away from their pain.

10. They might have habitual remedies.

There are several different lifestyle changes a person can make as an attempt to ease their minds. For instance, these people may do things like exercise, listen to music, go walking, and so forth.

11. They are aways making efforts to seem happy.

People suffering from depression learn to fake moods. They will often come off as happy and normal on the outside. When they let their inner struggles appear on the outside they feel as if they are bringing others down.

12. They seek love and acceptance.

People with hidden depression are not hiding their depression because they want to be dishonest, they are just working to protect their hearts. These people want to be loved and accepted just like everyone else.

13. They have trouble shutting off their brains.

These people process everything going on in their lives at a fast speed. They over analyze the good and the bad making everything impact them much deeper. Their brains are like sponges absorbing everything that comes their way.

14. They hurt when other people hurt.

When other people are suffering it brings them down to their worst points. This sort of thing often triggers their emotional pain and can be crippling.

15. They always think of the worst-case scenarios.

While this is very stressful it can be beneficial from time to time. A high intelligence seems to be linked with depression, and they are able to respond to anything that comes their way. This makes them good problem solvers for the most part.

If you or someone you care about is suffering from concealed depression either get help or offer a helping hand. Fighting this alone is not easy or productive. The world can be a wonderful place if you get the help you need nothing can stand in your way. You are not a burden to others and the people who love and care about you want to help you, let them.

originally posted on awarenessact.com

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11 Things Others Don’t Realize You Are Doing Because Of Your High Functioning Anxiety

Anxiety can be very harmful and it’s not something to be overlooked. The worst problem is that a lot of people can’t understand the effects it can have on a person and find anxious people as being lazy, irresponsible and passive.

If you are not an anxious person, knowing this can help you understand anxiety a bit better. If you are, we are sure you are going to agree with these things.

1.Decline invites although you may want to go

There are certain days that you may have planned all along and when they come, anxiety takes up the whole space. It can become so debilitating that you feel as if you lack the energy to go out.

You are aware of what is happening to you and you don’t want to become a burden where you are supposed to go – so you just cancel everything.

2. Obsess over trivial things other people may not even notice

A simple word or an unintended glance from someone is enough for your head to start processing and rewinding the situation even for days! The truth is you obsess over everything that has happened recently or a week ago, or any time ago, really.

You may obsess over a conversation you had, or the fact that someone hasn’t texted you yet (after a whole 12 hour period) or really just over the fact that some stranger looked at you as if they knew you.

Whatever the case may be, many would get confused by the notion that you even notice such things.

3. Go to bed late, wake up early in the morning

One of the biggest issues for you is certainly sleeping. Of all the processing in your head after the day, you find it hard to go to bed on time.

When early morning comes, your anxiety clock starts ticking again and ringing several alarms to get things going – even though you are tired. When your anxiety has switched on (by waking up), you can’t do anything to switch it off, so you don’t go back to bed.

4. In every situation, the worst scenario is your biggest thought

Instead of enjoying the moment as it is, you can’t help picturing and convincing yourself that the worst scenario is inevitable. If it’s a first date, you are convinced that something will go terribly wrong.

If you get sick, you always manage to connect the symptoms to the worst diseases you can imagine. It’s as if your mind tricks you into believing that nothing can go right.

5. You rewind conversations in your head – over and over again

No matter how well a conversation went with somebody, you always replay that conversation in your head fearing that you may have said something wrong. That’s why you try to avoid confrontation at all cost.

This constant rewinding seems to be able to haunt you until it starts chipping a hole from the inside. You always have to remind yourself that it’s your anxiety talking and that there is most certainly nothing wrong with what you have said in the first place.

6. When someone shows concern about you, you become even more worried about the same thing

If someone notices that you are not OK and shows concern, your anxiety grows even more. The thing is, when you hear someone asking if you are alright, it makes you fear even more for yourself and your state.

You think – if it has become noticeable, then there has to be more to it than I thought. This makes you feel worse than you did.

7. You believe that you are to blame if someone doesn’t reply right away

When communicating with people, be it your significant other, a friend or a relative, if they don’t respond immediately, you start thinking that you may have said or done something wrong.

However, you should stop and consider that they may be in the middle of something that takes up their attention, or that they are just bad at communicating.

8. You are experiencing a breakdown when the future comes as a topic

While most people look forward to the future and make plans for the future, your view on the future is making you feel intimidated and frustrated.

Experiencing the present so hard makes you think how hard and daunting the future may be. This makes you think how hard and daunting the future may be. This makes you retreat and hide from the thought of it.

9. You always compare your success to others who are your age

Although you may not want to compare yourself to others, your anxiety makes you scour through Facebook and stay up to date with all the successful things your peers have done.

Your worries are not that they have managed to succeed, but if you are ever going to succeed in your life like they have.

10. You obsess too much over every mistake you make by beating yourself up over it

The worst scenario is making a mistake at work. The thoughts that will consume you afterwards are tremendously difficult to handle.

Although you strive to perfect whatever you are doing, mistakes can occur, which is natural. Unfortunately, your anxiety doesn’t know that. In such cases, it becomes your worst enemy.

11. Sometimes, you feel too mentally and physically exhausted to get out of bed

Anxiety burns up most of your energy, both mentally and physically. That’s why it can happen that you cannot function properly and you just want to remain in bed and leave yourself drown in the sheets.This paralysis comes as a result of the overwhelming experiences due to your anxiety.

SHARING IS CARING!

Originally posted on curiousmindmagazine.com

Friday, 28 July 2017

15 Ways to Get Your Unwanted Emotion Under Control

People with ADHD feel emotions more intensely than others do. When they feel happiness and excitement, it makes them more interesting and engaging. But strong emotion has its downside as well. People with ADHD are impulsive. They get carried away by what they are feeling, and act on it without considering how it will affect other people or themselves. If you see something interesting at the store, you may get excited and buy that item and forget the rest of your shopping list.

This is the challenge of emotional self-control — having the appropriate emotion and feeling it at the right intensity. When it comes to getting things done, people with ADHD struggle with both sides of the equation.

They get excited about distractions and get bored with the tasks they should be doing. They can’t hunker down. They can’t get things done. They may wonder, “Why am I so emotional all the time?”

Lack of emotional control creates common and predictable struggles in daily life:

Sharing too much — there are times when it’s better not to reveal too much, such as at a work meeting or when trying to manage a frustrating child.

Behaving spontaneously — without stopping and thinking before acting.

Having “motivational deficit disorder” — people with ADHD have a harder time motivating themselves to start and finish tasks that aren’t interesting. Giving in to emotions brings this disorder on.

Losing the big picture — leading to decisions that they may later regret.

Losing the other person’s perspective — leading to self-centeredness or stepping on a friend’s feelings.

Saying something you later regret.
Showing anger or frustration — undermining relationships with friends, family, or your boss.

Quitting a job on an impulse — research has found that adults with ADHD are much more likely to quit a job than those without the condition.

Tap the Brakes on Runaway Emotion
Good solutions begin with a clear understanding of the problem. Most of the strategies for emotional self-control discussed here are based on three basic ideas: manage your stress, have strategies to control your emotions in situations that set them off, own up to your reactions.

1. Manage your stress. Everyone feels stressed out and overwhelmed sometimes. To the extent that you can, try to limit how many demands you have pressing on you at any one time.

2. Avoid over-committing yourself. Everything seems interesting until we find that we have too much going on. You can minimize crunch-time stress by taking less on and by graciously bowing out of some commitments when necessary — and with enough warning.

3. Get enough sleep. We are more positive and less reactive when we’ve gotten enough shut-eye.

4. Exercise regularly. Physical activity is a great stress reliever. It doesn’t matter how you exercise, as long as you do it regularly. Even doing a set of push-ups or going for a quick walk around the block can clear your head and put things in perspective.

5. Make time for yourself. It’s important to set some time aside for you to do something for your own pleasure. If you don’t recharge the batteries, you will burn out.

6. Treat co-occurring anxiety and depression. Adults with ADHD are more likely to be anxious and depressed. Untreated, these conditions may make your emotional control worse, so it is smart to address these professionally.

7. Avoid emotionally provoking situations. It’s harder to calm a strong reaction than it is to avoid it in the first place. This doesn’t mean that you should avoid every uncomfortable or difficult situation, but you should know that some situations aren’t worth the potential trouble.

8. Create a plan…ahead of time for how to respond to a situation that you know will evoke some strong feelings. Think about how you can respond to different things the other person might do, as well as what outcomes you hope to achieve. Review the plan right before you go into the situation and keep it in your mind during the situation. If possible, bring in some written notes.

9. Take a break. If your two choices are to blow up or walk away, it’s better to walk away. Even five seconds may be enough to help you calm down and gather yourself. If you are feeling angry at someone with whom you have an ongoing relationship, explain to him or her that a break will help you collect your thoughts and lead to a better outcome for everyone.

10. Train others to talk you down. If you know you will get emotional in certain situations — political discussions, sales at certain stores — train some of your family and friends to talk to you about the bigger picture, or another person’s perspective, so that you can catch yourself earlier in the process of getting caught up in a feeling.

11. Remind yourself that, no matter how strong the emotion you are feeling, it will fade. This could be a positive feeling, like being excited over a potential purchase, or a negative feeling, like a date that went badly. You will still have the feeling, but know that you will feel differently.

12. Remind yourself of the other person’s perspective. We react to people we are closest to. As much as we like to think that we’re justified in our feelings, there are times when we react to someone for reasons that have little to do with that person. Don’t take things personally that have little to do with you.

13. Separate feeling from acting. Our emotions often drive our behavior, but there doesn’t have to be a direct connection between the two. Although it’s easier said than done, it’s possible to notice the feeling that you’re having and what it makes you want to do without acting on it. Mindfulness training teaches people how to do this.

14. Educate others about your emotional patterns. Explain to family members, and close friends, and perhaps some coworkers, that your initial reaction tends to be stronger than that of other people, but that you settle down quickly and can have a productive discussion. This helps them not to overreact to your reaction. You may also coach them on how you would like them to respond to you when you have a strong emotional reaction.

15. After you cool off, explain what you really meant. If something came out wrong, or if you said something that you didn’t really mean, tell the person what your rationale was and what you meant. Don’t deny what the other person perceived, but let her know that you had better intentions than you conveyed.

Excerpted from the book Understand Your Brain, Get More Done, by ARI TUCKMAN, Psy.D., MBA. Copyright 2012.